I was lucky enough to have another local Bay High legend Connor Shell reach out to me over snapchat a few days ago. We both knew of each other but never spoke much. He was one grade below the younger kids I really hung out with. We got to talking about him being at Ohio State now, my travels and we ended up talking about making genuine connections and also creating a network. So I thought I would touch on this.
If you know me from DSP or really any “professional” setting you know I am not much of your sterotypical networker. I rarely actually talk at functions like that, maybe whispers to my few friends that forced me to go there. But I also have more “best friends” that I could go to for anything. I try not to overload members of my network and because of the genuine second level of friendship I can pretty uniquely create within 10 minutes of meeting someone often allows me to evaluate where I could help them, where they could help me and passions we share.
The first thing I think you have to learn to do if you want to make connections like this is take of your mask, get rid of preconceived notions, look for conversation not an argument.
Everyone of us is a stereotype, maybe not just one but you are a mutt of stereotypes. Like I would say mine have been, jock, class clown, party guy, stoner, loner and i am sure a few more. It is not your fault, its just your brain telling you you’re not good enough to be yourself. Turn those stereotypes instead your servant rather than your master. Follow your passions, dont be dragged around by them.
Getting rid of all preconceived notions may be the most important. You first must be comfortable with being yourself and aware of what subconcious biases you may have from growing up, trauma you faced, or religious or political beliefs that you have grown up with. During this step you must work on active listening. To many of us are a part of a conversation and when we listen we hear someone say one line that sparks an idea in our head. We try to interject for the next 5 min but before we can finally get our turn to speak the conversation has completely changed and you either look like an idiot or just someone who does not care about what the other person or people have to say. Stop Fucking doing that, listen to everything someone has to say and for the love of “god” take a fucking pause before you respond. I do not care how much “social anxiety” you have and how you “cannot fucking stand awkward sillences” grow up .
Finally to keep this short look for conversations not argument, this is on you not them, but learn to be a chameleon, just because you do not agree with someone does not mean you have to let them now right away. Blend in, do not awkwardly agree with things you do not feel comfortable with but just kinda grunt in a some what approving way and change the subject to something you’re comfortable with that they had brought up in their previous rant. If you ever want to change someones mind you have to get them to trust you and make them think they came to the conclusion on your own. Inceptions not just a movie concept for you idiots to get high too and be like “OMG what does it mean, you think the spindle is going to fall?? Brooo?” grow up
Keep on keepin on,