Shooting Down Clay Pigeons on a Road to Nowhere

“Life is far too important a thing ever to talk serious about” – Oscar Wilde

(This was written obviously a while ago so I dont know how many contradictions to what i am doing now are but i do not want to edit in the moment writing )

              While hello all, I begin writing this to you while on a plane ride to Seattle, where I hope to begin to learn the hostel business and if I need the money also pick up on bartending. From there were looking at walk down to San Francisco to do the same thing then down to LA. From there I am not totally sure where things will go. The one thing I am is open to change. Never take anything I say seriously about a plan until I am on the plane – you can put this on my grave stone.

              I am really getting a better idea of how my brain works. I have been learning to listen to my body more and my learned habits less. I sleep when I am tired and when I wake up to pee in the middle of the night, if I feel awake, I’ll just get up and take a walk, smoke a blunt, workout and start my day. You can look at those as separate activities or the order, it really depends on how awake I am. I usually have two longer naps, usually between 1-1/2 hours to about 4-1/2 hours with one or two 20 minute naps throughout the day. I usually eat when I am hungry and always force myself to drink more water than I think. None of this would really matter except the changes I have felt in the past month or so of listening to my body and “my” mind. (I put quoatations around this because most of us are controlled by subconscious habits picked up throughout life and as Socrates said “an unexamined life is a life not worth living”)

              I used to have the absolute worst stomach pains in the morning. I have never been hungry in the morning but if I didn’t eat enough food, I would get a salivating feeling warning me for what was about to come. An terrible pain, similar to that when you are very hungry, but the pain would for some reason cause me to cough and on rare occasion cough to the point of puking. Well that is completely gone. I used to basically be the most entergetic person in the office or I would barely talk to anyone. My moods have stabilized in thanks to this change in my schedule as well as for the free time it has allowed me. I have been trying to use this extra time in order to try and build a self-care schedule that includes spiritual, physical, intellectual practices I am familiar with while also being open and eager to try new forms of self-care.

              As for the big question now that people realized I was not manic, what’s next, what’s the plan, what’s the end goal, well to be completely honest with you I do not know. Two weeks ago I had no idea I wouldn’t be in Columbus. I did not realize I would be in Salt Lake on Thursday till Tuesday. I am staying open and trying to find and connect with this world and my energy in it. If that means I make a few impulsive moves I am sorry people. But I do have an idea of what I am thinking and want to put it out and let people know it may plan and evolve but this is where I am at currently.

I realized to really focus and get this business moving I have to stop running from my responsibilities by walking and shopping and doing nothing all day. As much as I told myself I needed it and I do believe I did for a while, it just became a “coping” mechanism that was used to procrastinate real work. If you ever sat down to study then ended up cleaning your entire room first, yes I know it was “stressing you out” but that what that is.

              I am on my way to Seattle now, I think I am going to cut out Denver to Seattle from the walk because of time constraints and honestly just lack of places to stay on the way. I am going to look into staying in Seattle till November 1st. At which point I will head down the coast with the final destination being LA. But, I cannot get over San Francisco and it just so happens that the hostel I am trying to get a job at in Seattle has another branch in San Francisco. If all goes well I will finally be able to get over the fear of never seeing Handorf again. I do not know how long I will be there but LA will be the final destination before I make more big moves (these will be discussed and probably chosen by you guys cause I do not really care what I do as long as its new)

              Also the reason I wanted to get settled so bad in Seattle is because I am looking to get a rescue from a shelter there and bring it on my journey. I just want to allow it to feel a bit more settled and also more socialized before we leave for the road. I believe this will create a stronger bond and greater chance of success.

              Tim Ferriss points out in his book 4 Hour Workweek- “Unrealistic goals are much easier to achieve than realistic goals because everyone is competition for the realistic goals” if you add that with the old cliché shoot for the moon end up in stars thing. I’ll be vunerably honest with you guys as to what my dream is- to be the next great American Tycoon. I do not say this because I want the money that comes with it, but the opportunity to create change, every generation, fights and cries and protests for change now, they say the rules are unfair, the old people have all the money, they make all the rules, the rules are stupid and guess what I totally fucking agree with you but we need a plan. We need to beat them at their own game, we need to take a risk, we need to stop asking our jobs and government to take care of us and we need to first help ourselves so that we can in turn band together to help each other.

              As much change as protest, violence, whatever you want to call it has brought us in progress, it has also created such an obvious division in this world. Everyone is right or wrong, smart or dumb, red or blue, white or black, gay or straight. Division and security keep the masses in line. We need to remember where the power comes from, the people, if you’re mad at the government, religion, you’re parents “not getting it” or you are just tired of walking through life like a zombie and not only want to make a change in your own life for more autonomy and freedom but also have a burning passion to serve others, I like to call it my own little “save the world complex” my dad for sure had it.

              If you feel like any of this has related to you reach out to me, I am not asking you to quit your job and come on the run with me, I am not asking you to pick up pitchforks and flames. What I ask you is do you believe you could be more? Do you think you could create changes? Do you want to Shed Your Light?

Reach out to me, I would like to get some groups together to help with the creation of Shed Your Light as well as a place for other business ideas to blossom and for a place for people to not be scared of discussion and arguments but are excited by the prospect of truth finding.

Keep on Keeping on,

Nick

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