Afraid of Change and the Unknown

Why are we so afraid of change and the unknown? I know I am especially now with the blank slate I so sloppily put together for myself. I am actually excited to take some time away from the 9-5. In 8 months I will have the freedom to do whatever I want and move where ever I want. To a lot of people that would be a dream but my anxiety has been kicking my ass recently. I am so afraid that all my friends are “leaving me behind” I have two best friends that just told me huge news, ones starting a business and the other just got engaged, I should be ecstatic for them. Do not getting me wrong I am still proud of them and what they have done and happy for them but instead it sent my brain into a fit.

On the day I learned both of those things I decided right away that I should start looking at law school and even went back to looking at sales jobs in my area. I could not look (I don’t know if I would say weak) but I for sure did not want to fall that fair behind in the rat race. My brain tells me “look at you, you’re a loser, you’re still unemployed and to top that off you don’t have a girlfriend and why would a girl even want to talk to you” god yesterday was not a good day let me tell you people.

What did happen though is finally when the smoke cleared and I got a good night of sleep I started to look at the possibilities of what I could do. Maybe I’ll move to San Diego or Cocoa Beach and learn to surf. I’ve written 3 songs since I got home from the psych ward. No you are not going to hear them on the radio anytime soon or more likely never at all but its something that I created that was brand new. I used the change and unknown to actually motivate me into finding the light in a dark situation something I have always struggled with doing.

Now I do not write any of this to say what I am doing is cool. My brain is still in a bit of a tizzy but I realized instead of constantly beating myself up and scaring the shit out of myself I could learn to enjoy the unknown. It also gave me a chance to watch a really cool Lynyrd Skynyrd documentary. I just want people to realize sometimes things are not going to be perfect and maybe instead of picking up a bottle of booze we can just admit things are not perfect and with that we can try to make something out of them

Keep on Keepin on,


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